Every day is a new day to success.

here’s to a fresh start *puts glass of blackcurrant in the air* im so happy. things are finally back on track. i got my medication today, which is a 10mg, monthly supply of an anti depressent (forgotten the name) that calms anxiety and panic attacks..BUT there’s a twist, i feel well enough to not even start them! today has been a normal day! and normal is the best word for me to manage to admit right now. although my morning started off badly, it wasnt due to anxiety or panic attacks, it was simply to do with the fact i struggled so bad on my two physics exams. i did a maths exam this afternoon but hey ho! i managed a whole day through school. massive huge extreme improvement. ive managed to get myself through anxiety without medication or any counselling (yet ofcourse) im still going ahead with the counselling, because ive been told that thats what prevents anxiety to re occur in the long run. but i managed! and ive read up on a few websites that anxiety is one of the most hardest things as well as depression to pull yourself out of without any medication. everyday that isuffered from anxiety was like a curse, an evil curse placed upon my shoulders that i had to endure with me everyday until i found the strength to lift it off of me and dump it someone dark and lock it away. i was struggling to get through a day, every day of living was like a chore for me. i wanted to not wake up and bare another day, but at the same time i was scared of dying and scared if not waking up. it was a confusing time, my depression got worse. i was low. id sit in the bath until it got cold with my head in my knees. i even got to a point where i wasnt crying anymore, just staring into lost space throughout times of the day. i didnt want to see me friends, i didnt want to go to parties, i didnt want to leave my house, as it was the only place i felt secure. but finally, after breaking down and hitting that very rock bottom, i realised that i cant let my head mess me around like this, i cant be frightened of something that i can control. its like walking into a scary house, some people may be fine and strong willed to just do it without complaints, like some people can get through anxiety as though its a normal cough or cold. some people would go through it and never get out, just like people who suffer from anxiety get into it and cant control it at all. others will go in there and need help to get themselves through it, like with anxiety, people willl go into it and end up getting help to make sure they dont suffer anymore, and then others, the very rare few go in there, scared a susual, firghtened and pleading people to help them in desperation, but it finally hits them no one can change it but themselves, so they get through and come out stronger than they have ever been. ive got through it. without the medication and now im happy to admit im excited to go away next weekend with my boyfriend, im excited to have him stay round instea dof scared now. and thats all because i didnt let anxiety win, i abttled through it, a strng fighting person, i didnt even know that mentally i was that strong, i knew i was strong, just not as strong as this, until it finally clicked that only i can change this, so i did, i kept myself distracted, thought rationally instead of irrationally and convinced myself to be positive as much as possible. look at me now, yes it is 4-5 weeks down the line, but im the strongest mentally that ive ever been. i will never hit another dark place like that again, ever. i will keep fighting until i get through this, because im strong, and i can do this. and so can you.